配偶者との死別は、重大な喪失感を伴うつらさがありますよね。
喪失感の感じ方は人それぞれなので、立ち直り方法も人によって異なるでしょう。
夫を亡くしたという喪失感はなくならなくても、生きていく為には立ち直っていかなければなりません。
そこで今回は、夫を亡くした人の立ち直り方法や、実際に夫を亡くした時の立ち直り過程も詳しく解説していきたいと思います。
夫を亡くした人の立ち直りには時間が必要？
それでは早速、夫を亡くした人の立ち直りには時間が必要なのかという点を見ていきましょう。
よく、「時が過ぎれば悲しさは薄らぐ」とか「時間が悲しみを癒してくれる」という言葉を聞きますよね。
正直、実際に夫を亡くした人にとっては、気休め程度の慰めにしか聞こえないかもしれません。
しかし、「日にち薬」という言葉があるように、時間は心を癒す効果があると言われており、重大な喪失感を伴う悲しみも時が経つことでゆっくりではありますが薄らいでいくものです。
人間には、良くも悪くも「忘れる」という能力が備わっているので、気持ちが揺れ動きながらも時間の経過は確実に悲しみを癒してくれるという事が分かっているのです。
夫を亡くした人の立ち直りを阻む「記念日反応」
さて、時間の経過とともに悲しみが薄らぐとは言え、そう簡単には喪失感は消えませんよね。
それでも、何とか気持ちを強く持ち立ち直ろうとしている時に、ふとしたキッカケで気分が落ち込んでしまうケースがあります。
それが、記念日反応と呼ばれるものです。
記念日反応は、特に命日や誕生日、結婚記念日などがキッカケになる事が多く、時間の経過とともに治りかけていた傷口が再び開いてしまうような感覚になる事さえあります。
頭では、気持ちの整理をつけたように感じていても、特別な日に当時の思いが蘇ってしまい気分が一気に落ち込んでしまうという人も多いのです。
夫を亡くした人の立ち直り方法
では次に、夫を亡くした人の立ち直り方法をご紹介していきたいと思います。
今、まさに立ち直れなくて悩んでいる人は、ぜひ参考にしてみてくださいね。
気持ちを共有できる場所に行く
まず1つ目は、気持ちを共有できる場所に行くという事です。
グリーフケアと言って、同じ喪失体験をした人達が集まって気持ちを共有できる場所があります。
同じように夫を亡くした経験をした人には、その体験をした人にしか分からない気持ちが手に取るように分かります。
そのような場所で、自分の気持ちを吐き出し共有する事で、自然と前を向けるようになっていくのです。
夫を亡くした人にとって一番つらいのは、悲しいという気持ちを分かってもらえない事です。
喪失体験をしたことがない人に相談しても、逆に励まされてつらくなってしまうという可能性があります。
そのようなリスクを避けるために、同じような思いを体験した人達が集まる場所で、気持ちを共有できる機会を設ける事が大切なのです。
カウンセリングを受ける
2つ目は、カウンセリングを受けるという事です。
カウンセリングは、様々な専門的なトレーニングを受けた専門家が行っているので、安心して悩みを打ち明ける事が出来ます。
特に、日本グリーフケア協会では死別した人の悲しみに寄り添い、悲しみから抜け出す為のサポートを行っています。
心理療法士や看護師、死別経験者など知識の豊富な人も多くいますので、夫を亡くした人の悲しみを和らげてくれます。
つらいと思う事を無理にしない
3つ目は、つらいと思う事を無理にしないという事です。
死別は、表面的に見えている以上に精神的なダメージを受けています。
そのため、本来ならば普通に日常生活を送る事も、とても大変な作業のはずなのです。
その中で、嫌だな、つらいなと思う事をさらに行うと、ダメージを受けている心にさらにダメージを与える事になります。
しっかりと悲しみが癒えるまでは、出来るだけやりたいと思った事だけをやって過ごすようにしましょう。
感情を抑えない
そして4つ目は、感情を抑えないという事です。
感情の中でも、特に悲しみなどの感情は抑えれば抑えるほどつらさが増してしまいます。
夫を亡くした人の中には、まわりに心配をかけたくないと思って無理して明るく振る舞ってしまう人も多いと思います。
しかし、喪失体験をして精神的にダメージを受けている場合は、まず何よりも自分の気持ちを最優先して過ごす事が大切です。
泣きたい時は泣き、感情をしっかり感じてあげる事で徐々に気持ちが癒えていくのです。
夫を亡くした人の立ち直り過程
それでは最後に、夫を亡くした人の立ち直り過程はどのように進んでいくのかを解説していきましょう。
ショック・喪失感
最初の段階は、ショック・喪失感です。
夫を亡くしてすぐは、それまでそばにいた人を失った事に対して気持ちが追い付いていかず、頭や心がパニックになってしまっている状態です。
夫がいないという現実を受け止められず、強い後悔や喪失感が襲ってくる時期です。
まだ、どこかで生きているのではないかというような感情を持つこともあります。
自責
そして、ショック・喪失感の時期を過ぎると自責の段階に移ります。
徐々に、死別の事実を受け止められてくると、「もっと出来る事があったのではないか」という自責の気持ちが出てきます。
自分の力が及ばなかったという気持ちから、食欲が落ちてしまったり、無気力な状態が続いたりする事があります。
回復
そして、ショック・喪失感、自責の段階を経て、回復期へ移ります。
この頃になると、徐々に自分だけの世界から周囲にも意識が向けられるようになり、夫がいない新しい日常へ歩き始める準備を始められるようになります。
回復まで到達するのに、人によって必要な年月は異なりますが、決して無理せず自分の回復スピードに合わせて移行していく事が大切です。
まとめ
さて今回は、夫を亡くした人の立ち直りというテーマで、対処法や立ち直り過程についても詳しく解説してみました。
大切な人との死別は、想像以上に精神的ダメージを受けます。
回復していく過程で、無理に明るく振る舞ったり、感情を感じ切らないまま日常に戻ってしまうと、ふとした時に感情が溢れ出ししっかり立ち直るまでにさらに時間がかかってしまいます。
周囲の人は、出来るだけ悲しみの感情に寄り添ってあげるようにして、ゆっくりと立ち直っていけるようにサポートしていくようにしましょう。
最近のコロナウイルスの出現で、外出を控え気味になったり、職場などでもテレワークがあったりと、なかなか出会いのほうのきっかけも少なくなっていますが、逆にマッチングサイトやマッチングアプリが人気でマッチングサイトなどで出会うのが一般的になってきています。
そこで結婚相談所系は料金が高い＆敷居も高いと感じる方も多いと思いますので、いわゆる一般的なマッチングでの出会いのおすすめサイトベスト3を紹介したいと思います。 ただ出会いと言ってもいろいろありますよね。
- 普通に彼氏や彼女が欲しい
- 結婚を前提に婚活したい
- 出会い方がいまいちわからない社会人や学生の方
- 孤独で寂しく、話し相手や友達が欲しい
- バツイチやシングルマザーでもOKな出会い
- ただお金持ちと結婚したい
- 欲求不満
この辺はマッチングサイトそれぞれ特徴がありますが、プロフィールや掲示板などで皆、マッチングサイトに登録したきっかけや経緯などもしっかり載せてる方も多いので、まずはいろいろ登録してみて自分に合うサイトを見つけられたら良いと思います。
マッチングサイト・アプリの出会い注意点
注意点といいますか、マッチングサイトによって登録ユーザーの数や質は大きく異なりますし、目的の人が「A社にはいなかったがB社にはいた」ということもあります。効率的に望みを叶えるためには、複数のマッチングサイト（最低2社）を利用することをお勧めします。
当サイトではランキング形式でお勧め順に比較して３つのサイトとおまけの1サイト計4サイトをランキング形式でご紹介することにしました。
まず、マリッシュ/R18
は男性目線からですが女性会員の質がとてもいい一押しのサービスです。
また、ハッピーメールは会員数2,500万人のマッチングサイトで最も利用者が多いマッチングサイトです。サービスも「真面目な出会い」をテーマとしているためチェックは厳し目です。悪質ユーザーはすぐに締め出されるという安全性の高さも魅力のひとつです。
PCMAXは「真面目な出会い」「大人の出会い」両方に対応しているマッチングサイトです。比較的「大人色」が強いため、「刺激がほしい」といった変化球的な意図がある人に向いています。それにも関わらず、医療情報管理協会・JAPHICの認証をもっている優良企業なのです。
華の会bridalは30～85歳という中高年、熟年向けのサイトですが、管理人はこちらの属性に入るためBEST3には入らなくとも中高年の味方的な位置のサイトですので年配の方向けに^^
①マリッシュ(marrish)
管理人の一押しサイトはマリッシュ(marrish)実際使ってみると、妙に違和感のある営業っぽい即LINE交換しよう～メールなどもあまりなく、プロフィールもみなまじめに婚活恋活してる感があり信頼できるサイトだと思います。
とりあえずマッチングサイト初心者でも、初めの一歩的にもおすすめですし、まじめな恋活にうってつけです。ぜひマリッシュでいい出会いを見つけてください。
| マリッシュ(marrish)利用目的 | ５段階評価 |
| 彼氏や彼女が欲しい | ★★★★★ |
| 結婚を前提に婚活したい | ★★★★★ |
| 出会い方がわからない社会人や学生の方 | ★★★★★ |
| 孤独で寂しく、話し相手や友達が欲しい | ★★★★★ |
| バツイチやシングルマザーでもOKな出会い | ★★★★★ |
| お金持ちと結婚したい | ★★★★☆ |
| 欲求不満 | ★★☆☆☆ |
②ハッピーメール
出会いと言えばハッピーメール。定番のサイトです。
出会いに興味がない人でもネットを見ていれば、一度は目にしたことがあるのではないでしょうか？２５００万人の登録者数と様々な人が登録してるので、目的に合った異性の方を見つけるのにはとてもいいと思います。
ただ老舗的なサイトなので、登録者数がすべて稼働してることはないと思いますので、今回はマリッシュの２番手という評価です。
| ハッピーメール利用目的 | ５段階評価 |
| 彼氏や彼女が欲しい | ★★★★★ |
| 結婚を前提に婚活したい | ★★★★☆ |
| 出会い方がわからない社会人や学生の方 | ★★★★☆ |
| 孤独で寂しく、話し相手や友達が欲しい | ★★★★★ |
| バツイチやシングルマザーでもOKな出会い | ★★★★★ |
| お金持ちと結婚したい | ★★★★☆ |
| 欲求不満 | ★★☆☆☆ |
③PCMAX
ピュアな出会いから、ちょっと大人な出会いまで幅広い出会いをかなえるPCMAX。
刺激的な出会いがある一方、まじめな出会いももちろんたくさんあります。ただ婚活というよりは恋活＆刺激的な出会いの色合いが強いかもしれません。なのでマリッシュやハッピーメールと並行して使えば、いろいろなタイプの女性とやり取りができると思います。
| PCMAX利用目的 | ５段階評価 |
| 彼氏や彼女が欲しい | ★★★★★ |
| 結婚を前提に婚活したい | ★★☆☆☆ |
| 出会い方がわからない社会人や学生の方 | ★★★☆☆ |
| 孤独で寂しく、話し相手や友達が欲しい | ★★★★☆ |
| バツイチやシングルマザーでもOKな出会い | ★★★★★ |
| お金持ちと結婚したい | ★★★★☆ |
| 欲求不満 | ★★★★★ |
華の会bridal
華の会bridalですがこちらはベスト3からはもれましたが、３０歳以上から中高年に特化した恋活婚活サイトです。
管理人が歳は言えませんが中高年なので、女性も中高年の方を求めてる方が多く、よくあるマッチングサイトで若い子が同年代を希望してて悔しい思いをした管理人が、年齢は気にしなくてもいい、気楽に使えるサイトということで特別枠で紹介しました。
３０歳からと書いてありますがもちろん若い人も登録できます(18禁)。中高年の方諦めずに華の会ridalで良い出会いを探してみてください！
| 華の会bridal利用目的 | ５段階評価 |
| 彼氏や彼女が欲しい | ★★★★☆ |
| 結婚を前提に婚活したい | ★★★★★ |
| 出会い方がわからない社会人や学生の方 | ★★★★☆ |
| 孤独で寂しく、話し相手や友達が欲しい | ★★★★☆ |
| バツイチやシングルマザーでもOKな出会い | ★★★★★ |
| お金持ちと結婚したい | ★★★☆☆ |
| 欲求不満 | ★★★☆☆ |
おすすめサイトベスト3比較
| 利用目的 | マリッシュ | ハッピーメール | PCMAX |
| ◆ 彼氏・彼女が欲しい | 〇 | 〇 | 〇 |
| ◆ 出会い方がわからない社会人や学生 | 〇 | 〇 | 〇 |
| ◆ 孤独で寂しく辛い心を癒したい 話し相手や友達が欲しい | 〇 | 〇 | △ |
| ◆ 結婚できない不安や焦り、悩みを抱えている | 〇 | △ | △ |
| ◆ バツイチやシングルマザーなど事情がある | 〇 | 〇 | 〇 |
| ◆ お金持ちと出会いたい・結婚したい | 〇 | △ | △ |
| ◆ 20歳前後の若い層と出会いたい | △ | △ | 〇 |
| ◆ 欲望を満たしたい人 | × | △ | 〇 |
ただサイトの利用した感想は自分のような中高年の意見ですので、若くてイケメンさんや美人さんとの感想に違いは当然あります。 余りモテナイ中年目線で良いサイトという事をご了承ください^^
最後ですが、恋人探し的な感じではなく本格的な結婚相手を探したいという方は定番の7サイトをご紹介します。どれも本気の婚活向けで料金も昔と違って格段に安いので驚きです。
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